Day 1

Well, it's finally here. Day 1. I've decided, once again, to quit smoking.

I have many reasons to do this, as well as blog what I'm going through.

First, I need to express what I'm feeling, so I can get past that feeling. You're going to see lots of posts here in the next few days I'm gathering.

Second, I can look back on what I've written if I ever think I should start again. Because, when it comes time to quit again, I'd see what I went through. That should be enough for me not to start up again.

Third, I've been through this before. About 6 years ago I had quit smoking, but started up again during my trip to Sweden. Actually, yeah, I had my first smoke while I was in Sweden. We were all out drinking at a bar, and I was offered a smoke. I turned it down at first, but a few glasses of scotch and a beer or two later, I had one. Yeah, it tasted like crap.

But then, I get to Amsterdam and stopped at a coffee shop. Now here is where the mental process breaks down. Before heading to a coffee shop (for those that aren't savvy about Amsterdam, a coffee shop is where you can smoke pot legally), I decided to grab a pack of smokes. I didn't want to cough up a lung at the coffee shop, so I figured I'd have a smoke to prepare my lungs for what was about to come. That was my mistake. That got me hooked on the nicotine again.

Anyway, I started smoking again was the bottom line.

Earlier this year I decided I needed to quit, but I just couldn't find the right time or method. I initially tried the gum, but that tasted terrible, and I'm not a big gum chewer to begin with. Then I tried the inhaler. A buddy at work was quitting and let me give it a try. It was interesting, but not quite what I was hoping for. I went out and bought enough patches to get me through the first month, but never did use them. I just started smoking again.

Then there were the camping trips that were inevitable. I knew sitting around, being a bit bored, I'd want to smoke, so I decided not to stress myself in these situations, so I kept smoking. See, it's all mental stupidity that kept me smoking.

Oh, and to go a bit further back, when I was trying to quit, I had a trip to Orlando with Robyn. I was sure I'd be able to kick the smokes before going, but I couldn't. I was even trying to sneak out for a smoke. Yeah, I was stupid doing that. I knew that she knew, but I still snuck around to have a smoke. Then I saw that smokes were pretty cheap there, and said "screw it" and bought some. Back to square one I went.

So here I am. I've been almost 4 hours now without a smoke, and I'm a bit twitchy. One suggestion people have is to keep your hands busy, so I'll be blogging quite a bit.

But now, let's go through what I've been through in the last 4 hours.

at about 6:30 I woke up, and went and had a smoke. It was a reactionary thing, I'm sure. Then Gwen asked if I was going to put on the patch today and start my quit. I wasn't sure. I know I wasn't sure if I was going to quit. Even right now writing this, I doubt myself a bit. But then I just get past that doubt and keep going.

I put the patch on before heading out for work. I got my coffee at Timmies, went upstairs to the office and started doing some work. I've been working on keeping busy. My next hurdle would be breakfast.

Well, went down for breakfast, ate, and went straight back upstairs. My usual was to go out and have a smoke with Shawn. I told him he was on his own today and he mentioned he saw my facebook status and figured as much.

Mentally right now I think I'm craving it, because I've missed my last few smoke breaks. My hands are a bit shaky, I'm a bit light-headed, and I tend to just stare off into space. I find myself drinking more coffee to compensate...that may be the shakiness, however, I've not had more coffee that I normally would on a normal day, so I dismissed that fact. I'm also a bit itchy. It's probably just the nerves doing that right now as it's my hands that are itchy. Maybe my fingers are missing the nicotine on them...lol

Back to work now. Time to breathe, relax, take it one hour at a time right now. I have gum beside me, but as I said, I'm not a gum chewer. I may grab a straw from the cafeteria to chew on and breath through...I don't really know at this point.

Stay tuned...there WILL be more updates.