Long days ahead

It's been a while since I've posted here. Things started looking up for me after the 100 day mark and then the 4 month mark.

Today however, I got word that my Grandfather died. As much as I've known that this day was going to come, it was still a shock when it happens.

I've been having a rough time today fighting off the urges to just smoke. Give in and just do it again. I know in my mind it won't help, but it still isn't stopping the craves the way I had hoped.

That's why I'm writing.

In times like this, I'm remembering my Grandpa. I remember when I was young and would go out on the boat with my grandparents and have a great time. I was allowed to drive the boat regularly. I had a great time out on the water, just enjoying the time I had. We would play cards on the boat, go fishing, or go swimming. We would travel down to Alexandria Bay once in a while on the boat. I was probably happiest when I was out on the water.

I also remember the times we would play cards at their house and have lots of fun. Those were the memories I will keep with me forever.

Even though over the past years I wasn't as close or spent as much time with him, I still miss him and always will.

I know now that the pain you had near the end has stopped. For that I am thankful.

RIP Grandpa.